eyeswideterrified: earthnation: earthnation: lol this dumbass moth is flying into my laptop screen lol u dumb moth IT FLEW UNDER MY FINGER WHILE I WAS TYPING IT JUST COMMITED SUICIDE IT PROBABLY READ THIS POST AND GOT SAD IM SO SORRY MOTH IM SORRY U DIED BY MY HAND R.I.P U WERE ONE CHILL MOTH they only like you when you’re dead
waywardveganbond: kn1ght-of-m1nd: peach-hero: why does no one talk about the movie Sky High is that young doc scratch
tiger-lilies-and-tortelini: *clinks glass* i’d like to make a toast. *puts bread in toaster*
Brother: we're gonna have a party tonight when you guys leave and drink and get mip's
Dad: no one better get anything
Brother: actually I think I'm gonna get sleepy
psychoticpingouins: 48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
feefeeri: so i bumped into this kid i used to go to school with 3 years below me down at the train station today and i somehow managed to make him buy me a watermelon from the grocery store but then i took it one step further and convinced him that we needed party hats for both us and the watermelon i’ve barely even spoken to this kid before in my life and he did exactly what i said without...
So at the after credits of Iron Man 3
kastiakbc: sapphirewings: elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey: kikiagent15: girl-in-the-tardis: loethlin: silver-tongued-goddess: i was thE ONLY ONE IN THE THEATER WHO SCREAMED SCIENCE BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOS AND THIS OTHER GUY WENT “TONNNNNY???” AND I WENT “BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE.” AND WHEN THE LIGHTS CAME ON HE WAS WEARING A HULK SHIRT AND I HAD ON MY ARC REACTOR SHIRT IT WAS PERF. ...
lynzave: my dad used to have an ear piercing in the eighties and someone asked him “does it make you gay if your piercing is on the right side or the left” and he replied “it makes you gay if you love cock”
balderrask: westbor0baptistchurch: “But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.” NOPE NOT RISKING IT
Reblog if you know who Smitty Werben Yegger Man...
He was number 1.
sluttyoliveoil: once my friend was waiting for her mom to pick her up and she called her mom and her mom said “im on my way, the traffic is just slow, im coming” and my friend went “mom i called the house phone”
I still can’t believe someone actually hired me and now I get to go to work
heismyfirstolive: timelordsandhunters: is nobody going to talk about this painting i mean those men are just casually rIDING THEIR BEARDS NBD never mind them, i’m more concerned about the guy kidnapping a woman with his beard
best-of-funny: kissmycatastrophe: buttlicked: You’re bad at grammar? *pats u on shoulder* their, they’re, there. I JUST SPIT MY CEREAL ALL OVER MY COMPUTER X
e-zekiel: okay so today I was at the mall and this girl walking in front of me and tripped and fell and instead of helping her up like a normal person would- I decided to make her feel less embarrassed and fall down too but I guess another guy had the same idea because we fell at the same time and then another person fell and another and suddenly I was lying in the middle of an impromptu...